Manchester United & 15th Place: A Better Love Story than Twilight

When you think of tragic love stories, Shakespeare gave us Romeo and Juliet, Hollywood gave us Twilight, but the Premier League beats them all. Enter Manchester United and their soulmate: 15th position.

Unlike Kenyan politicians who love defecting from one party to another, United has been faithful. Loyal. Consistent. Their romance with 15th Position is so unshakable, even ODM strongholds would clap in admiration.

The Courtship – Like Matatus and Traffic Jams

It began slowly, like a Nairobi matatu sneaking into a jam-packed roundabout. A bad game here, a humiliating loss there. Fans thought it was just a “construction jam” on their way back to the top. But no. This jam wasn’t moving. United parked there, opened the windows, and started selling smokies and eggs at 15th place.

Love Like Chanda na Pete

United and 15th position go together like Chanda na pete. No frills, no glamour, just like humble pairing. Forget Champions League nights — these two share Tuesday evenings battling Brentford while Arsenal fans laugh on X.

And unlike Kenyan boda boda riders who shift allegiance from one customer to the next, 15th spot doesn’t betray United. It holds them tenderly, whispering: “Relax, hakuna pressure. You’re not going to Europe anyway.”

Mafans wanasemaje..

The fans? Eiii, wanasuffer. Old Trafford is now basically like Nyayo Stadium during Harambee Stars qualifiers — fans show up hopeful, leave depressed, and promise “sitarudi tena”. But somehow, they always come back.

One fan said: “At least in 15th, hakuna relegation stress. It’s like being broke but still affording WiFi. You’re not rich, but you survive.”

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